Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize