all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
