she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
