That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
