Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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