4 words: hood of his car
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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