went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
