a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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