you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
