i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We are all done wearing pants today
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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