Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
