okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
