Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
