dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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