How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
