How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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