I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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