I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
