i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
