i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
