people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
