He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
