i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
