afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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