No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
