i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
