Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh god it's open bar.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
