I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
