guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
