i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Congratulations! We have a period
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
