i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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