So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Enjoy the penises
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
