i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
