My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
