don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
