I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
