Soap is not a condiment
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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