You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
