Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
