why didn't you poke me back
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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