her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
