): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
