omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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