She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
