So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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