This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize