So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
