doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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