everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
