Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
