He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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