You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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