So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
...so i touched it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
