ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize