Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
