i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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