new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
