Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
