I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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