I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize