ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
