oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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