so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
