I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
