evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
