I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
