That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
