I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
