i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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