Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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