Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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