you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
