Sry I called you an 8
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
