I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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